Camille

We were just friends
I wasn't interested in her
beyond contemplating life together while smoking weed under the bridge
I was a witch; she was my muse

She captivated me on a level
I did not understand until much later,
until she had a Star expanding
inside her womb
That's when things got deeper

It was a couple months before she knew
that we found ourselves kissing and pawing in the back seat of my car
Afterwards, I braided her hair
tiny, neat little rows

When she showed me the positive
I didn't ask how or when
I knew better than to ask a homeless girl how she became pregnant
I just kissed her belly

I wasn't a midwife yet
I didn't even know I wanted to be one
I just wanted to snort heroin
and kiss pretty girls
Something had definitely changed

Spooning around a pregnant
person's belly is magical
Velvet skin the colour of caramels
The smell of shea butter...and her
We were definitely more than just friends

I read everything I could find
because surely that much sex
was not okay during pregnancy
As it turns out, sex is totally fine during pregnancy,
even lots of weird queer sex

I didn't tell her "I love you"
until she was crowning with
the first twin
right into my bare hands
her skin glistening, my lips on her lips

It wasn't until several more births
later as an apprentice midwife
that I recognised what that love was
I feel it at every birth
It's there when you hug,
& when you fuck,
& when you nurse a baby
It's Oxytocin

Cammie and the twins were
no longer homeless
We kissed our last kiss
Sobriety visited me and
Midwifery consumed what was left

(originally read at The Bridge Series' "Spring Fling" poetry night, April 24th, 2019)