This Space is Becoming a Beach
(audio file of me reading this piece)
They take
my hand;
lacing our fingers
and they
promise me
always.
I let the layers
fall away
as they chisel
the stone
of my facade
with their touch
their words
their soft sounds
when I hold
them
and
when they
hold
me.
This space
is becoming
a beach.
Because I am starting to
allow myself to
believe in their
always.
They always
tell me
they are sorry
when there
is nothing
to be sorry for.
I know it is
but a
checking
behaviour
like locking
doors and
closing
windows
to
make sure
I don’t
go.
For where would I
want to go?
They always aim
for perfection,
for approval,
for invisibility,
making themself small.
But their mere existence
is most profound;
I am always
left
wanting
more
of
them.
Within our
collective sighs
we write
each other
novels.
And it has taken
me so long
to build up
this stone
for it to
erode
from them
simply
looking
at me.
And I can't help
but to comb
this space
like a beach,
looking for
baubles of
doubt,
but…
They always tell me
that I do not
have to
ask permission to
to touch
to pet
to bite
to kiss
to hold
to take their hand
lacing our fingers
And yet,
I tell them
that I will
always
check in,
because…
Because.
Our traumas are lovers
skin hungry,
but cautious
wanting,
but too hesitant
to risk
crossing
a line
that
neither
of us
drew.
Palpable is the intimacy
between our
thoughts
our bodies
and the
vulnerability
we try to
choke
back
between
our tears.
I always find
more sand,
fine grains
of vulnerability,
left behind
whenever they
touch me.
This space
is becoming
a beach.
Because I am starting
to believe in
their
always.
I look
at them
and see
the familiar way
they hold their breath
before a simple question,
and I know their language
of caution.
I don't need a map
to their old hurt;
I just need to keep
my own heart steady
when they touch me.
Now my muscles
unclench
before I tell them to.
And for the first time,
my own shadow
doesn't feel
like a threat,
but just
a shade
of me.
This space
is becoming
a beach.
Because I
believe
in their
always.
-----
“This Space is Becoming a Beach”
Saturday, September 27th, 2025